I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
