so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
