Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
