You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
