You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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