i don't like sucking hair
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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