so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize