My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm too high and old for this...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
