I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
