Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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