Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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