If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize