he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize