pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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