Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
