Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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