I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
