Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
