i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
