you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
