Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
