the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
