WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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