I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
