I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
