Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
