wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize