He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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