eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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