whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
