Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
