Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
