I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
