I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
