if i can run in heels then i can drive
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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