Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize