So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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