I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
