This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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