im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize