So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
