I want to make a zoo with you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
