When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
