my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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