I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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