i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
