I seem to have left my pride at pride
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
