I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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