The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My bed smells like the plague
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
the raccoons are back...
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