South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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