i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He passed out mid-signature
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
