Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
