why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
