so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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