barbara walters just said penis...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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