worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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