to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize