You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
