I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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