I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize