I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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