Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
