Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
