I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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