Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
