Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
