she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
