just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
