and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
