My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
